34. EXPLORING YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES
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WHY DO WE LOVE HAVING SEXUAL FANTASIES, AND WHAT ARE THEIR BENEFITS?
On this episode, Sara chats with guests Mo and Andy, who are stand-up comedians that host the local Ho Ho Hong Kong podcast so be prepared for some big laughs.
We discuss how sexual fantasies stimulate arousal, are an escape from reality (like the pandemic), alleviate boredom and can even help us heal from past traumas.
We each share a few of our own personal stories around our favourite sexual fantasies and whether the reality lived up to our expectations. You might never look a camel the same way again!
We discuss how comfortable we are sharing and exploring our fantasies with our partners, and the role of boundaries in that conversation.
Sara presents some fascinating research around the top 3 most common sexual fantasies and how our fantasies may align with our personalities.
She also reads out several crowdsourced sexual fantasies that showcase the diversity and creativity of the human imagination. Mo and Andy respond with hilarious results.
More Juicy Bits on the Show
7:06 – 7:45 - Benefits of sexual fantasies
10:48 – 11:33 - Top 3 sexual fantasies according to research
21:45 – 23:30 - Service profession fantasies
30:40 – 32:35 - Does your fantasy reflect who you are?
35:27 – 37:35 - The differences between reality and fantasy
50:20 – 51:36 - Sharing your fantasies with a partner
53:38 – 100:75 - The diversity of sexual fantasies
Tips for Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies:
1. Know what you want: There is no such thing as a sexual fantasy which is ‘wrong’, so don’t judge yourself for it. Feel free to imagine what you wish, and find the things that arouse you.
2. Open Up: Find a good time to communicate your fantasies to your partner and be clear on which ones you wish to become reality, so you can work together to fulfil them.
3. Boundaries: When exploring your sexual fantasies be sure to discuss your boundaries, this will ensure a fun, sexy, and safe experience.
4. Play it safe: Fantasies can get pretty wild when you’re acting them out. Having a safe word can save a lot of harm and embarrassment if things don’t go as planned.
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Words of Wisdom
“I think also, for me, what’s a massive turn on is just anything the girl is enjoying. Like if the girl is enjoying it, and she’s got some weird thing then I’m like ‘I’m in’. That is the turn on. I get nervous when I think she’s not enjoying it, I’ll call it off.”
“I think power is very sexy, either the loss of power or the gain or having power and I think that’s a big turn on in the whole BDMS scene, it all is about power dynamic. And even you would say, broadly, a rape or kidnapping fantasy would fall under that category because it is all about power. But also there are things like spanking or anywhere where you’re giving up control and being told what to do.”
“Threesome is a complicated one because it’s sort of a side-handed way of being like, ‘I want to sleep with other people’. And a lot of people that I’ve dated, they don’t want to know that, even if they were forced to guess if you were thinking about having sex with other people, they don’t want to know about it, they don’t want to hear you say it. And I respect that. And it’s really only good for me if they’re enjoying it! There’s really no excitement in it if it’s horrible for the other person.”
“I mean, I think one of the great things about fantasies is that your memories can become fantasies ‘yes, 100%’. So when you have a magical experience like that, I mean, you can live off of it for like years, oh my god, I still think of some my previous experiences.”
“People who are extroverted and out going they fantasize more about group sex because they are more social, I guess, they like people. People who don’t deal well with stress, so are a bit more like neurotic, have fantasies that are more calming, with emotional content with someone that they feel romantic about and it’s less about trying new things for them. And then conscientious people pay a lot more attention to detail in their fantasies so they can dream up much more elaborate settings.”
Other Great References You’ll Love
Pure App – A shameless hookup app for sharing fantasies, naughty communication and virtual sex.
Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire – This book by Justin Lehmiller features the research findings from the largest study on sexual fantasies done to date.
Ho Ho Hong Kong Podcast - Everything you need to know about what’s happening in Hong Kong, hosted by episode guests, Andy & Mo.
Personality Types affect Sexual Fantasies - 15 simple questions to predict what turns you on and what turns you off.
The Darker Side of Fantasy – Are you ever disturbed or turned off by your sexual fantasies? You're not alone.
Creating Limitless Sexual Pleasure – Embracing the power of fantasies.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
How would your sexual fantasies play out in the real world?