54. THE INS & OUTS OF SEX PARTIES
CURIOUS ABOUT ATTENDING A SEX PARTY, ALSO KNOWN AS A PLAY PARTY?
Think about entering a party with a giant bed, and everyone’s exploring their kinks and fetishes. It’s a smorgasbord of pleasure…
On this episode, Sara speaks with a sex-positive couple, James and Kat, who enjoy organizing sex parties. They share their experiences on the ins and outs of planning such a party.
James and Kat share the motivations of people in joining a sex party and the kinds of people one might meet at such an event. James and Kat also confess the best and worst play parties they have ever attended.
We give practical tips about the sex party experience— from how to find one, prepare for, and behave at the party. We discuss basic party etiquette such as safety, consent, and so much more.
If you’ve ever fantasised about sex parties, this episode will give you the low-down on what you can expect from attending, or even planning one of your own.
JUICY BITS ON THE SHOW
8:47 - 15:14 - Why do people go to sex parties
15:16 - 18:07 - The types of people you’ll meet at a sex party
18:07 - 22:16 - Misconceptions around sex parties
23:06 - 26:03 - What makes a good sex party
26:03 - 28:08 - What makes a bad sex party
28:08 -30:56 - Difference between sex parties and threesomes/foursomes
30:56 - 32:20 - How to apply for a sex party
32:20 - 39:48 - Sex party etiquette
39:48 - 44:59 - What to expect at a sex party
44:59 - 46:43 - How to find a sex party to go to
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
TIPS FOR ATTENDING YOUR FIRST SEX PARTY
Do your homework. Every party is different. Try to do some research or talk to the organisers to know what kind of party you are going to.
Uphold safety and consent. Observe both verbal and non-verbal cues to know if someone wants to engage. You always have the right to say no.
Prepare appropriately. Taking a shower beforehand, and making sure you’re well-groomed or nicely dressed go a long way. Maybe bring your own condoms and lube too.
Don’t get wasted. Getting sloppy drunk or otherwise intoxicated doesn’t serve you at a play party and will make it less likely for others to want to engage.
Set clear goals and boundaries. Whether you’re going solo or as a couple, being clear about these will help you navigate the party successfully. Always check in as you go along.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE EPISODE
“People underestimate actually the amount of talking that goes into the sex party.
I think that's why people are intimidated because they think they're gonna walk in (to an orgy). Drop their trousers and have to be up for action the minute they walk through the door. I mean, in my case, specifically, like when I've been to play parties, I really like to have a conversation with whoever I'm interested in.”
“The first time I went, it was really this exciting idea that I had in my head, almost like a fantasy of just being in a room full of people who had no inhibition, I was really excited. This was kind of my fantasy, like this naked-on-naked, really hot kind of environment of people who wanted to do things just like me.”
“I think also it depends on what situation you're in, if you're a solo or in a relationship. Because I know a lot of people who are couples that go because they want to maybe revive the spark in their relationship. They wanna do something out of their routine. They don't, again, necessarily have to play with other people, but again, just to be in that energy of the Play Party, it can really help to like sort of bring that passion back into their sex lives.”
“People do ask a lot about protection and again, it's more of a rule for us that all play is a safe play. And that, again, as Kat said, everyone should ask for consent. no one at a party should be coming at you without a condom on. That's a huge faux pas.”
“I turned around to see this tableau of what looked like maybe 15 people, just climbing on top of each other, really enjoying themselves and it just felt like this beautiful group of pleasure and sex and happiness and like a smorgasbord of pleasure. It just felt so good to see everyone responding that way and knowing that we brought people together to do that.”
“I do bring up to people that come to parties, is that someone can say ‘no’ without verbalizing ‘no.’ I mean, they can say they don't want to have sex with you without actually saying it. So, you need to also be very good at understanding body language.”
OTHER GREAT REFERENCES YOU’LL LOVE
Ohmibod - Our sponsor for this episode. Ohmibod is a leader in sexual wellness and award-winning sex tech. Use code BETTERINBED for 15% off at check-out until the end of Jan 2023.
12 types of people that you'll meet at a sex party - Do you want to know the kinds of people you’ll meet? This blog will show how a sex party invites all kinds of people from all walks of life.
FETlife - a popular social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community. It’s a sex-positive community where you can also find kinky play parties to attend.
Torture Garden - is the world’s largest monthly fetish event, with monthly events in London and around the world.
Sex Parties: A Beginner’s Guide - this VICE article has great tips to help you respectfully and safely make your sex party debut
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
Share your experiences with sex parties - are you a fan?